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Next to it were the names and former addresses of my Aunt Lois and Uncle Dennis, my grandmother Kitty – all gone. When he paged through the Cs, I saw the name and address of my father, Charlie Caffall, Brian’s brother, who was still alive then. They were crowded with the names of people he’d known in the whirlwind of gay 1970s and 1980s New York City and Philadelphia. He opened the book and flipped through the pages. “That’s the book of the dead.” Brian’s address book, left, and his pen jar, right “That’s my most precious thing,” he said, taking it out of my hands. I picked it up, held it, turned it around. Next to the jar, there was an unremarkable black address book.
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The dresser in his bedroom was painted to look as if made of malachite, a gold Dunhill lighter was in his pocket, a silver cigarette case on his coffee table painted faux marble, an antique Chinese jar on the table where he wrote, full of pens, decorated with drawings of twining dragons and fish. I saw it first when I was 19, in the apartment where he lived, on a small street in the centre of gay Philadelphia, in a row of narrow 19th-century brownstones, in his world of beautiful objects. He kept a record of that loss – a magic object, a book.
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Only one of us survived the curse, my uncle Brian, the one our disease didn’t touch, who died, instead, of AIDS, the curse that drowned a generation in his chosen queer family. In our family, there was a curse for 200 years, a genetic illness that seemed to catch everyone, drown everyone, kill everyone – as if we lived in a fairytale castle that filled up every night with the ocean, while we tried to hold our breaths until the morning. In “How we remember them”, we reflect on how we process loss and the things – both tangible and intangible – that remind us of those we have lost. When using a search engine such as Google, Bing or Yahoo check the safe search settings where you can exclude adult content sites from your search results Īsk your internet service provider if they offer additional filters īe responsible, know what your children are doing online.In the past two years of the COVID-19 pandemic, loss has been part of the lives of millions. Use family filters of your operating systems and/or browsers Other steps you can take to protect your children are: More information about the RTA Label and compatible services can be found here. Parental tools that are compatible with the RTA label will block access to this site. We use the "Restricted To Adults" (RTA) website label to better enable parental filtering. Protect your children from adult content and block access to this site by using parental controls.
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